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Saturday, July 19, 2008 

Homeward Bound

What a joy to be back in this country of ours. I was done with America, its appalling media and its prozac-happy falseness. I can now turn on the radio without moronic commercialised blandness fucking my head-space, turn on the tv and not find bloody baseball. Everywhere in America, for me particularly noticeable in the poker rooms, there is this background of bollocks tv. Last year while playing the main event I nearly puked over seat 10 as the hot-dog eating championships aired to the unsuspecting. This year it took place in Vegas a week or so ago and some metabolic freak broke the world-record. In twelve minutes he managed to stuff in 66 dogs, that's one every eleven seconds - these people need to be arrested and stopped, in the name of public decency. They will pay with their lives in the long run of course, a simple failure to acknowledge that your body amounts to what you put in. Enough of them anyway - Bobby was good to me, putting me up beyond my expected stay. No thanks to manyana Mike - too long working in the marijuana dispensary I suspect. It is now legal in much of California, all that is needed is a doctor's note and some rizla.....

So here I am quietly clicking away in the background, still on Full Tilt, plying my two accounts (mine and my 'mum's', which affords me four-figure rakeback every month) playing some freeroll with a chance (eventually) to play Phil Ivey and Gus Hansen for a million quid. There is only one prize at this stage, $500 and a seat, so I am waiting for No-Limit-Shiva and Shivalingus to be moved to the same table, so they can get fruity. In the meantime I have had two nights back in Yorkshire and have been playing the tightest Omaha, six tables at a time, turning a tidy but very necessary profit. Daytime has seen me behind the wheel of the treadle machine, cutting jigsaw puzzles in between watching some weather-beaten golfers and searching for some unlikely hope in Headingley. I am lucky to have a thousand quid of jigsaws to cut and nearly the same back in the bank from some judicious omaha decisions. Max, my son arrives at midnight on Monday, Zeb my brother on Wednesday for his annual party and I am enjoying my first cigarette of the day - you can beat post-prandial. The night-shift has begun and my nut flush is being nailed by the straight flush, my full house by quads - bent poker on full tilt seems to be my karma right now. I'm still in the freeroll with both 'Shivas' - just limped with AK to flop quads and get paid off by some muppet with jack high. My poker is way better than before but will this translate into reddies? Watch this space.

9:45 PM | Permalink |

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 

The Real Hustle

A trip down Larry Flint's Hustler casino was a sufficient substitute for the Donkeyhouse. Guys pushing all in with nothing while I was smiling a full house all the way to the bank. The money was short-lived however as when I woke up my car had disappeared, leaving me to think of LA gangs hustling my little red Kia on a few drive-bys. The reality was I'd parked in front of someone's drive, and 200 bucks later it was free from the pound......oh dear. Spirits are high after a slight wobble and tomorrow I'm in the air. I've final-tabled a fair few online tournaments, but the big money (for the top three spots) is still proving elusive. As I write the world series main event is within one person of its final table. The biggest 'bubble' in poker as the remaining nine will be assured of lucrative pay-offs with big sponsorship deals to boot. I am ready for England - LA is a lonely place and my buddies from the villa are sorely missed. I still appear to have a few regular readers so I will try and keep up the writing. It does sometimes feel a little exposed here with the diary, but blog on I shall. It's also that poker is essentially mind-numbingly boring, so we may have to branch off....Evil Dennis has some suggestions but I'm not sure I can go there. Til soon...

10:21 AM | Permalink |

Friday, July 11, 2008 

Still doing Good Business

The poker session continues and the sun still shines somewhere outside and sometimes the moon too. I make occasional excursions outside to smoke and savour, before returning to raise and fold. Bobby and I have just concluded a 150 person rebuy tournament. We went into the final table in first and second position, and eventually finished third and second, my Ace-10 of hearts being outdrawn by KQ of diamonds when he hit runner-runner for his flush. Occasionally a shout from the other room - "he's yours Bobby, take him down", and Bobby duly did. Three seems to be the magic number - Mike get over here, I know you're reading this - I made the final table of a 6-handed multi last night (I had contributed a good portion of the $3 rebuys in a vain attempt to build chips early), reshoving Captain Aggression with King-Jack suited only to walk into his pocket Queens, busting out third after some Lazarus-like revivals, while pedalling my customary short-stack. I want a big stack please.

So we're back in the zone again and the day is young, although I'm no longer creaming the super-turbos, rather the opposite in fact - shafted by 'poker-donks' or maybe 'bots' with strange betting tendencies, programmed by nerds in some dark corner of Northern Europe to play the poker-screens while Klaus enjoys his sauna with Inga. No stereotypes here.

The poker robots are becoming increasingly prevalent and profitable. Bots were discovered milking the cash games on Full Tilt, one of the only two sites available to US players, thanks to big bad Bush, seems not give a damn as 24-hour robots mean 24-hour rake and more 'players'. Barack Obama loves his poker - whereas McCain has been known to love a 14-hour craps session, so the legislation may be reversed: it was after all sneaked in at the back of another bill that had already been approved, 'piggybacking' as it is known - this is why the Main Event numbers have declined since the peak of 2006 when almost 9,000 runners contributed to Jamie Gold's $12 million legal dispute. Come November, America will be a different world and poker will be on many people's minds with the circus returning to town for the WSOP final table. Who would you rather have in the Oval office, a geriatric foul-tempered crap addict or the guy who knows his way round a full house via the back-door flush. It's a no-brainer - old crappy crinkly guy or unite the nation weaver-boy? So America may get more choice than 'PokerStars' - great but not available on a Mac or the other option, Full-Tilt, where bots swarm, and data-miners track your every inclination. Yes I'm fed up with Tilt - spent a few hours earlier playing against lucky bots/donks.

It is a murky world - don't go there unless well-equipped, and the hands are ridculous - set-ups, stitch-ups and bad-beats. Anyone who says that online games aren't juiced up needs to come down to my poker-den for some improper education. Late/early last night I flop a set of 6s (three-of-a kind to the uninitiated) on a board of A-10-6. I get all-in with two others, both of whom have A-10, and without even a blink up pops the 'case' ten to nail my ass.... Pocket Aces every five minutes, usually in conflict with at least two other pairs, all flopping sets. More royal flushes than fingers with nut-flush draws, overpairs and more back-door options than the pet-shop boys' greatest hits. Online poker is like TV poker, they edit out the boring bits and every one goes broke, the bad players get lucky and all for one reason.....money. They sit on billions of our hard-gambled cash reaping the interest on top of the rapid-fire rake and they can't even mange customer support. Having said that Day one of the Main Event saw a flop of A-K-Q all clubs. The pre-flop raiser bets his trip Aces, which is then raised the minimum. The turn brings the fourth Ace, and all the money goes in to reveal J-10 of Clubs for the Royal Flush, busting out Quad Aces. So rigged or not rigged - who knows?

Evil Dennis is back from myriad misdemeanours, looking for more and liking the change of pace here in LA but is already hankering for bright lights and magnificent breasts.......although The Donkeyhouse, an underground poker den run by Thais with far too much gamble in their blood beckons.

So I'm in a knockout tourney - just taken my first scalp - a $2 bounty and Bobby's doing the six-table rebuy option, just seen a Royal Flush in spades, I've had the same once in a live game at "the Fox" which curiously led to me being backed by Nick and Rupert. I will be back next year to do justice to your investment. I'd like to come back for November and write it up for the poker-starved and maybe a wider audience too. What with a new president and the WSOP final, I think November here in the great-again USofA will be worth writing for.

...... fuck, fuck , fuck ....just fell victim to the curse of the pocket Jacks. I raised the limper, who'd just restolen our steal, and then the button raises just over half our stack. All I need to do is flat-call, see the flop of 7-2-2 and shove it right up his Yankee butt and he has to donk or fold his Ace-King. As it was I pushed pre-flop and the ever-present Ace on the river nailed my butt instead. You know what Evil has to say about this - yes me, a fucking loser. I need to get into playing more flops, trusting my instinct more and listening to the voices out there and that little voice in here. Rather like the pyramid of power, my 4-sided jasper pyramid that I place on top of my chips. Whenever I went to make an ill-fated raise it would slip somehow. I heard the message, "don't do it" yet couldn't stop myself and went ahead anyway. Does anyone know a cure for this? Answer's on a postcard to one the poker suites of BobbyTransville. AAARRGGHHH.

10:19 PM | Permalink |

Thursday, July 10, 2008 

Three is the magic number

It's been a strange but somewhat wonderful day. I attempted to go to sleep until someone from Manchester rang me at 5.30 a.m. for the second night running.... Evil Dennis has plans for Manchester. Unable to return to sleep I resolved immediate action and hit cyberspace armed with cartons of cigarettes, cups of tea and my new-improved knowledge. I dropped Jake off at the airport, Sean off at the Imperial Palace and the kids off on the way out. Heading out on Interstate 15 into the sunset we made good progress, thanks in part to Evil Dennis's cavalier disregard for the speed limits. Stopping for gas, smokes and sustenance I consigned Evil to a sulk in the back seat and discovered the wonders of cruise control...."you fucking loser was the refrain from behind" - I pointed out the five cop cars we passed at a sedate seventy but Evil is a thrills and spills man so wouldn't be told. Arriving in LA a few hours later, I made it to Downtown and Bobby Tran's place, covered in a film of pollution. It took us ten minutes and a sandwich before we got out the poker chips and the beer. Eight hours later Lam (Bobby's cousin) headed off to work the corporate legal world, lighter by a few dollars, and Bobby and I headed to the screens, where we are still conducting good business. Bobby's made it into the money of the $3 rebuy, I've raped the super-turbos, quadrupling my initial $400 buy-in and Evil is conducting his deviant agenda as usual. I have prised myself away from multi-table mayhem, content with just the two tourneys to write, currently lying 8th out of 78 in the hi-lo eight or better and looking to go higher. The lows are gone and I'm scooping the pot, buoyed by three wonderful messages - first my brother Zeb: "Hi Sim, really sorry to hear that you've been busted out. I imagine you've replayed the hand many times in your head and it's probably a bit of a head fuck. Try not to dwell on it and enjoy the rest of your stay. You have a sympathetic ear from me when you get back....and don't go crazeeee in the meantime!! Zx", made my day you did Zeb, that and the two comments on the blog. The mysterious Woody - who are you and how come you're here - wherever here might be? and Jo where can I possibly begin - perhaps where we left off.....? Thank you thrice, twice as nice, you have rocked my world....and got me back between the lines of low-roller heaven. That's your lot as Evil's champing at the bit, I'm off break in the multi (now lying second) and Bobby's in deep and doing well in the poker too: 14th out of 412 starters with 32 left, loving LA....

8:14 PM | Permalink |

 

And then there were two

Just Sean and I eating blueberry waffles, before a final swim and a race across the Mojave to Bobby Transville in downtown LA. I am feeling good - I know what action needs to be taken. Poker got me into this and poker can get me out. I put $400 onto the account, having donked off with some unlucky Omaha outdraws. A few hours of play later and it's over $1100, so the future's bright - it always is if you want it that way. I have made some friends for life, with options to visit Texas, Kiwiland and Thailand, and have learnt more about poker in the last two weeks from these guys than I have in the last two years. I may yet stay the distance - my flight is booked for the 15th and there's some money to be made in this ole screen here, plus an adventure or two, maybe even a return to good ole Vegas - I hear the Rhino season may be upon us soon - probably when Tom busts the main event (hopefully not til November)..... I also have a suitcase that's has been resident in New York for two and a half years so I should get it fedexed over, which will necessitate the delay - there's some good stuff in there. That's it for now - thank you my 53 loyal readers. thank you Paul for this great house

2:06 AM | Permalink |

Wednesday, July 09, 2008 

Aces and Kings

I found my aces today, alas not in my hand but in Captain Donkey's when I had kings - so he broke me. The house has been running bad or at least the good guys have. Dinner on Stu with his $48K payout was not forthcoming....Kiwi Sean and Streetfighter Jake have been diamonds. We've just returned from a double bill at the movies: Wanted and Hancock proving a good night's entertainment. The numbers on the blog seem to be rising...god knows why. Schadenfreude is still a beautiful word. Returning to England is not going to be easy. Three years I've spent my online profits here in Vegas and I'm questioning many things. I'm writing now more out of sense of duty than any real desire. Thanks for reading, thanks for backing me....should the book ever emerge and more crucially sell more than 52 copies I will be true to my promise and your investment shall return, but who's to say? It's five to four here and three's been good company tonight. I'm looking forward to a hug from my boy - a quantum of solace for the credit-crunch kid. The dream is not extinguished but the silver lining is elusive in a cloudless sky. Go west young man....

11:37 AM | Permalink |

Tuesday, July 08, 2008 

One man down one man Up

There are now just the four of us in the house - a Kiwi and a Mexican (currently playing a game of pool) and two Englishman - one down on the trip (that'll be me) and one up - Stu, who made it to the final three of the Venetian $1000. He chopped the money for $48K but lost the run-in for the extra $10K with four big bad beats. Gary has hot-footed it to California and I won't be far behind. The villa concludes Wednesday and that will be me done. I've enjoyed my time - I've played well with limited opportunities: I'm still waiting to pick up pocket aces - one last chance tomorrow. I've constantly been pedalling a short-stack, so have been hampered in my options. My big hands have rarely been paid off and my Ace-Queens have been the death of me again, although I made a great call today when I picked off a large river bluff with AQ today. My demise was pushing all-in with a short-stack from the cut-off (one off the button) with Ace-Jack suited to walk into Ace-King - there is always tomorrow. Thank you Matt for your texts, and thanks Anna - I will make it up to Oregon one day.

9:01 AM | Permalink |

Monday, July 07, 2008 

Once more into the breach

Dear friends, spirits are good. I'm off to play poker - what else? Thank you Rich for your comments - ominous silence elsewhere. Yeah you're gutted too or a few (perhaps deserved) sniggers at this wandering dreamer. Happy birthday Stu - sorry I missed it yesterday. Happy birthday Alexis - thanks for the chat on the mountain. Til soon

6:57 PM | Permalink |

 

Busted

Not the teen trio - but me out of this year's main event. With AQ (the dreaded) on the button I find myself facing a raise from the Jewish pro who's been raising three times a round. He makes it 900, so I make it 2500, which he calls as he has been calling every re-raise. The flop comes 10-6-5 with two clubs which he checks. I make a continuation bet of 3000, which he flat calls. The turn brings the Queen of clubs, giving me four cards to a flush (I have the club ace) and top pair. The pot is now over $12,000 so I push my last $8,000 and he calls showing Ace-Ace. I need a club or a queen to win but find the curse of Scotland, the diamond 9 and a quick exit to the car-park. I've run it by the boys at home, and there's not much I did wrong. I might have checked the flop, but I would have still lost a good portion of my stack, so here's to you and some great support. The boulevard of broken dreams has caught me speeding, and I've been low but the home-boys have been great, so I'm better but this ain't easy to write. Ridiculous Stu did buy 3% of my action so I'm $400 to the good on the day, which I will invest in one last poker tournament tomorrow before a drive back across the desert and an early flight home. Sleep beckons - sorry to those of you have backed me. Will I be back next year? Who can tell? It doesn't look great from this angle. Some navel-gazing is now due - all suggestions welcome.....

9:36 AM | Permalink |

Friday, July 04, 2008 

Independence Day

I have my $10,000, I have made my decision, I will play the final day, July 6th. I am feeling the pressure - I am still reliving that hand at the Venetian, and I intend to assert my independence and head out of town. Rather like Gary Numan I need to spend time in my car - back home I average two hours every day of the year. Over here I am getting withdrawal symptoms, and I can't face two days of thumb twiddling, so Arizona here I come....sunset in Sedona should suit me fine. That's it, I'd like to make some witty repartie but the butterflies won't let me. Thanks to you 30 something loyal readers - this 30 something would like to be richer at 40, but it's going to take something special with 52 cards.

8:59 PM | Permalink |

Thursday, July 03, 2008 

Spike City

I'm feeling pretty gutted having played right through the first day at The Venetian. We were ten minutes from the end of play and ten places from the money, having outlasted a field of 300 with 30 getting paid. I had just crippled a poker legend, T. J. Cloutier, who was sat to my right. The blinds were $1,000-$2,000 the antes $300 and an early raiser makes it $6,000 to go. T. J. who's an ex-football player and built like a brick shithouse, calls on the button. I make it the extra $5,000 as the small blind with King-Queen offsuit and the big blind comes along. So there's $27,000 in the pot and I have $54,000 left. The flop comes J-10-7 and we check it round to the big man who bets $25,000 - I put him all-in with my K-Q, and he calls with J-8 of hearts. I have four 9s and four aces to make my straight as well as the remaining six kings and queens so we are close to 50-50 with two cards to come. One card is all I need as the turn and river both come nines. So I double through and he is all but crippled. I have the chance to finish the job but I need to call a $17,000 pot with a pair of threes with three players to act. So I leave the job to the big blind who beats his A-6 with A-7 - my 3s would have been good. My demise came when I manage to get all the money in with A-Q on an A-10-5 board against an A-J who spikes his Jack to bust me. So gutted and double-gutted. I spent nearly the whole day peddling a half-average stack and got back above average with the money looming. I had my money in as a 2-1 favourite and you can't say fairer than that. I am looking to start my challenge on the final day, July 6th and am feeling a lot more confident having played through a super tough field. The Main Event doesn't rate to be nearly as tough at least early on....we shall see.

8:02 PM | Permalink |

Wednesday, July 02, 2008 

Deep-Stack Venetian

The Irishman came good - I have copied the WSOP coverage below for those interested. I am off to play my first poker in a while a deeps-stack tourney at the Venetian - $2,500 buys me 20,000 chips with 1-hour levels. The field is likely to be tough, but the format mirrors closely the Main Event. Thanks to all of you who joined my Facebook group. Til soon.....

Hand No. 133 - Peter Jetten has the button, and he limps in. Marty Smyth raises the pot, and Jetten comes along. The flop shows up Q clubs, 9 hearts, 10 clubs. Smyth bets the pot, 600,000. Jetten announces, "I raise the pot." Before he even has the chips out of his stack, Smyth moves all in, and Jetten quickly calls. When the stacks are counted down, it's Peter Jetten who is covered, and he is all in at risk of elimination. With a mountain of chips in the middle of the table, the hands are turned up: Jetten: K spades, J diamonds, 3 diamonds, 2 clubs Smyth: K clubs J clubs J spades Q diamonds The showdown bring the entire crowd to their feet and cues a rowdy chorus of cheers from the two opposing sections of fans. Jetten and Smyth have both flopped their straight, but Smyth is freerolling with a redraw to a straight flush! The suspense in the air is tangible, and the cheering becomes a wave of noise that engulfs the whole room. The Irish side of the room cheers, "Club, club, club!..." while the Canadians across the stage simultaneously chant, "Brick, brick, brick!" With everyone still on their feet and the noise almost overwhelming, the dealer burns and turns fourth street: 7 diamonds. The Canadian section erupts even louder when they see that brick peel off. Their guy has to fade just one more card to chop the pot and go back to square one. The crowd leans forward on their feet as the dealer knocks the table, burns and turns the final card: 6 clubs ! A huge roar follows from the entire room. Marty Smyth nails an incredibly profitable club on the river, making him the winning flush and earning him the title and the bracelet! We truly could not imagine a more thrilling finish to our event!

6:44 PM | Permalink |

 

7th for Tom

An early night beckons - I have been down at the Rio today watching Tom make it to 7th - he started as the small stack and never improved although outlasting 8th and 9th netted an extra $50,000. He has a $130,000 pay-packet and is no doubt still there as it is down to the final two, with Marty Smyth, the other Irishman right up there with a Canadian. There is far too much testosterone down there. I have nothing interesting or even faintly amusing to say so I will leave you with a photo of what might have been - we were invited to a poker party tonight with Shannon Elizabeth.....

7:31 AM | Permalink |

Tuesday, July 01, 2008 

Bowling for Columbine

POSITIVE QUOTE OF THE DAY
-----------------------------

"Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun." - Mary Lou Cook

Maybe I qualify, maybe I don't

4:00 PM | Permalink |

 

Dusk til Dawn

It's 8.15 and Jake, Gary and I are spoofing for the right to go to bed. I've won already and the other two have made the final table. I've declined my option and am writing to you lot instead. Jake is cooking breakfast and Gary is allowed to bale out after another cigarette. Gary got home at 4.30 to find himself immediately sequestred on a return to the Rio. We went to cheer on Tom Hanlon as he tried to survive to the final 9. We arrived just in time to find them bagging the chips - Tom has made it. He has the small stack, just under $200K with blinds of $12,000-$24,000. The 'grinder' is leading the event with $1,767,000, and the Irish also have the 4th spot with a million in chips. I think I am obligated to support my friend tomorrow, in the name of research, rather than play the Bellagio - that will be there another day. My friend making the final table of a $10,000 event, well that's pretty special and the Irish will be out in force and you all know what that means. Tom arrived jet-lagged on Saturday having failed to qualify for the second week of the European bridge championships - a fortunate turn of events. He managed four hours of sleep, before a fifteen hour poker session. Heading home he bumped into some fellow Irish in the bar at the Wynn, which took him to 7.a.m. Midday saw him embark on Day two and a further seventeen hours of chip-shovelling his small stack. We celebrated with a beer or two (never believe a poker-player) and he has an interview with the TV people at midday followed by the sponsors at one p.m. which should see him net a further $20K to wear their logo and then the miracle mile as the plot reaches its denouement. Tom is relaxed and will undoubtedly be more relaxed with a drink or two. I have just been fed a cracking scrambled egg by Jake, who lost the spoof and am trying to make sense before a welcome return to bed. So there it is - enough for now. A photo or two of my crew and thanks and double thanks to Paul McDonnell (have I spelt that right?) without whom I would never have met these five: Streetfighter-Jake (in blue with a smile), 'Ridiculous' Stu (in an appropriate shirt), Golden Gary (on the right looking £23K richer, and doubled-up Sean - anyone wanting to gamble $10K by backing him for the Main event? He's the best out of us all by a country mile. So the offer's on the table - somewhere under Rainbow we might find the treasure....and now to bed. Evil Dennis declined to have his photo taken as it might mess with his mojo.

2:59 PM | Permalink |

 

Ass Juice

One of the highlights of last night's frolics was our stint at the Double-Down dive bar. The bar's speciality was 'ass juice' - still unsure of its contents, but it worked for us. I've posted a photo of our new friend 'Crash' from Santa Barbara. We proceeded from there to the poker tables at the Imperial Palace, where our cards ran dry but our throats didn't. Stu managed to lose his passport and $3K at the blackjack tables. I explained to him today how that might have come to pass, as I saw him, wandering round the restrooms with his pants around his ankles having handbags with a punter. He's still in denial about this but it may explain why his passport was found by the cleaner in the trash. Stu taxied home early, we got back at 9, still laughing and still toasting the King of Spain. I woke up feeling surprisingly good and the day has been getting better ever since. Poker has not been on today's agenda - tomorrow we're all back in the fray, me at the $1K Bellagio deep-stack. I'm off the drink and feeling good - we have an invite from Doyle Brunson to a poker party at Sapphires strip club....Evil Dennis is plotting again.

12:12 PM | Permalink |

 

Go Tom

Before I tell you about last night's festivities my friend Tom Hanlon, Ireland's finest bridge-player, star of last year's "Night of the Rhino" has made it to the last 12 in this year's $10,000 PLO (Pot-Limit-Omaha). It is nigh on 4 in the morning and they will play down to the Final Table of 9. He lost an $850,000 pot earlier and has been peddling the small stack ever since. He's chatting away, drinking rum and cokes like the bar might run dry and is now at the Final Table of 10 people. One more to go and they will close for the night, returning tomorrow for the play-off and big money, $893,000 for the winner, $90K for 9th plus a sponsorship deal assured. Go Tommy - sorry about the photo - it doesn't do you justice.

11:52 AM | Permalink |