Born 30 something years ago into a card-playing clan in the North of England: the low-roller's poker odyssey has taken him from the school common-room via down-trodden Midlands' casinos, smoky Cotswolds pubs, celebrity Soho drinking spots and of course the ubiquitous world of cyberspace to the home of poker itself, Las Vegas. Join his search for juicy take-downs, great pot odds and the occasional back-door straight as he goes for glory.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

LET ME INTRODUCE MY FRIEND, KEIR

So, I'm sat down at table 158 - there are in fact 2803 people competing for this one, but first prize is only $770,000 or so - last year's winner made just under half that defeating 850 runners or so. The table is tight, and I'm not seeing much in the way of cards. My $1,500 in chips has drifted down with a couple of rounds of $25-$25 to $1,400, when I hit the big blind:

MY HAND

Sunglasses, in middle position who has been playing some hands raises to $75, which is folded by all except the small blind, who calls, leaving me a decision - do I call for $50 ? There is already $175 in the pot, so I make the call. I am getting odds of 7-2, so it isn't difficult, but there are dangers even should an ace fall, as he could very well hold AK, AQ, which would leave me up that creek:

THE FLOP

Otherwise known as a rainbow, (three cards of different suits) although there ain't no pot of gold at the end of this one. The small blind checks, as do I, and Sunglasses bets $175, but falteringly. The chips sort of fall out of his hand. The small blind folds and so should I..... So I think long and hard, reckoning that there is a fair chance this is a mere continuation bet, having raised initially, and I pop him back, with a further $400. Now this check-raise is a pretty powerful play, and pretty scary. Is he scared? Is the Pope Polish? So he thinks for five seconds and slides $400 in (we have similar size stacks) - nice move that one; yeah right. So I get to see another card, like there are any cards that might help, and the turn comes:

THE TURN

I know what you're thinking..... well the good news is that was me done for the hand: he looks like a man with a pair of Queens or better in the hole, AJ at worst, and I check and he bets all-in, which I take a long, long time to fold, trying to look like someone with a difficult decision, as I fold my imaginary pair of Jacks. The bad news is I know have just exactly half my original stack, $25 of which is now in the small blind. Keeping my composure, I look down after everyone has folded around to me, to discover:

HAND TWO: MY HAND

This is doubly pleasing, as there is an expectation that I might be steaming from the previous hand, having dumped my chips (with much dignity, I insist). So I raise the lady to my left, also in for $25, making it $75 to play. She has me covered with around $1,100 in total. Anyway she calls and we see a flop:

Another rainbow - three different suits you realise, nothing to do with pretty colours and pots of gold.

HAND TWO: THE FLOP

So I could check, and then raise, but it's vastly overrated and tends to win you less and lose you more, so I come out guns blazing - or at least I fire a few squirts of my water-pistol, with a bet of $125, trying to look like someone with a pair of aces, who doesn't really have them - confusing I know, but it is usually right to bet here. Now she fires back pretty quick, throwing in a $500 chip and a $25 chip. "Is that a raise... well I'm all-in", pushing a further $150, expecting her ace to be smaller than mine, an A7 or so as opposed to my A10, in which case I would have her out-kicked. Well at this point our cards go over, with two cards to come to reveal the bad news, as she shows:

THE LADY'S HAND

Whoops!
It looks like my $1,500 has lasted me just over forty minutes.

So I stand up (well I don't in fact, but I would have done if I'd had time) and the turn arrives, to choruses of "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley, you understand, as this is a moment of deep joy:

THE TURN

The lady is distraught - I am offering silent prayers of thanks and trying not to grin. I don't say sorry as that is simply not true, although I do acknowledge her misfortune. The river comes harmelessly:

THE RIVER

I now have exactly $1,500 chips again. The lady on the left is bemoaning her luck - she might have won the pot by reraising me before the flop arrived, and she paid the price for calling. Raise or fold is usually right. In fact she lost nearly all what was left soon after, again unluckily, and again bemoaning her bad beat, but again by not raising with the best hand. How you lose is far more revealing than how you win.

Anyway I manage to add a few chips and make it to the first break with $2,100 chips with just over two hours gone. Soon after the break, our table is broken, and the players re-distributed. Again I play pretty tight, not seeing a great deal, but maintaining position for an hour or so, and then I hit a rush, and in the last 15 minutes before the second break, I triple up, and start agressing a bit, and am suddenly chip-leader with $9,000. Play is soon resumed, and before long our table is broken again, and I am off to table #84, seat #5. I wander over, and there in seat #4 is my friend Keir - his sister-in-law was a brief girlfriend before I moved in with her.....don't ever do that by the way - not until the ring is on the finger, or the 1000 day money back guarantee has expired.

Last time I'd seen Keir, I'd been around his house, having dinner with his wife, reading the kids Dr. Seuss, and talking poker. He was playing an online tournament $500 buy-in. To cut a long story short he ended up taking down first prize of $37,000 or so. Most of which I'd watched - so I know a bit about his game.

Right now he has around $3,000 chips and before long my first decent hand comes along, with blinds of $100 - $200 and a $25 ante, which means there are $575 (we are still playing eleven to a table) in the pot before anyone starts betting. I am in the small blind, with just over $8,000 in chips and everyone folds round to Keir on the button, who pushes all-in. So, I peer at my cards, expecting, almost hoping to find trash and fold - I don't really want to kill off my buddy with a pair of aces.

HAND THREE: MY HAND

So I agonise a while, a long while in fact. Am I going to fold? A moral dilemma of - let's face it - only minor proportions. I am 90% certain I have a better hand, or at worst 50-50, as he may likely hold a small pair. Anyway after a while I stop thinking about it and the words come out, "I call". Even if I lose I still have a good chunk of chips. In fact I should have, as Keir pointed out subsequently, re-raised all-in to eliminate the big blind, but it didn't matter, as he folded. We turn over our cards, with Keir announcing "I think you're ahead", and he shows:

KEIR'S HAND

So I await the flop with mixed emotions - but not that concerned in truth. You play poker hard, against friend and foe, and Keir is not gambling the kids' Christmas presents after all. He gave up the office to play poker professionally. Anyway the flop comes, and this time it's Leonard Cohen calling the tune...

THE FLOP

Keir has two pair already and that is how it stays. So when the dust settles I have around $5,000 and Keir around $6,500. Well they couldn't have gone to a better home (muttered with only slightly clenched teeth). Later that evening, a quarter to midnight, I received a text from Keir saying he had just made it into the money. Watch this space.

And me? Well after that i didn't see many cards, and got eaten by the antes. I had a couple of hands when I perhaps should have pushed all-in. Correction no perhaps at all. Julian Gardner (runner-up in the main event a few years back, and one of the leading British players) arrived at the table with around $45,000 - expect to see him at The Final Table. My final demise was not a thing of beauty. My KJ went up against AQ - the details are not to my credit, so I will spare us both. The good news was I was over it by the end of the dinner break, an hour later, and booking my seat for Pirates of The Caribbean. Only a $9.50 buy-in that one, and you are guaranteed to last at least two hours. The bad news was that I had three hours to wait and the movie theatre was next to the MGM's poker room........

I am not going to go into the gory details, as it is real late over here, but within an hour I am down around $350 with one visit to the ATM, and another a distinct possibility. This was the key hand:

THE CASH GAME: MY HAND

With blinds of $1-$2, the pot is raised by Loose Bruce in early seat to $7 pre-flop, called by me in late position, and by Mr New York to my left on the button. The blinds call too making it a five-way pot: I have about $150 left in front from an original $200 buy-in. The flop arrives:

THE FLOP

The action is checked to me, and I bet $15, liking this a lot. Mr New York raises me a further $25, with everyone else folding. At this point I declare war unilaterally, with a reraise all-in, a further $111, and Mr. New York starts talking a lot, trying to find out what I have. I maintain a stiff upper lip, and don't make eye-contact or utter a word, and he calls. As it is a cash-game, we are not obliged to show our cards, although he spins his hand face up:

MR. NEW YORK

So I have 10 outs twice, while avoiding a full-house (there are 4 fours, four nines, and two eights, that can help me). The turn is accompanied by more of Mr. Cohen however:

THE TURN

He has his full-house and I need one of two 8s with one card to come....

THE RIVER

So I dip into my wallet for another $100, which goes the same way, and I still have well over an hour til my date with Depp, and I am enjoying myself - the table is good-natured, the dealers are earning their tips with good banter, and as Nick 'The Greek' once said: "The next best thing to gambling and winning is gambling and losing". So I head to the ATM, pay the $4 surcharge and put a further $200 on the table.

At quarter to twelve I have $350 in front of me from an outlay of $500, having been down to $150 at one stage, when this hand arrives:

MY HAND

"Talks-too-much" calls in early position, as do I in middle position (expecting a likely raise from Loose-Bruce). The raise comes from "Small-Stack" in the small blind, and we both call for $20 in total, as does Nowhere-Man on the button and there is $82 in the pot, and the angels sing as the cards arrive:

THE FLOP

Hallelujah!

Small-Stack bets $10, called all round. I don't want to scare anyone off at this stage.

THE TURN

Small-Stack bets another $10, which Talks-too-much raises to $40. Again I call, risking a paired board and a full-house, but wanting money off the other two. Nowhere-Man folds, and Small-Stack calls leaving him around $20 left.

THE RIVER

I still have the nuts, and it is checked around to me. Talks-too-much has nearly $200 remaining, and I have him covered. How much do you bet? Well I bet a $100 but got no callers, but a healthy pot. I didn't show my cards, although I did say I had two hearts. As I left, I did reveal to the Alabama Kid which two hearts. He has my card, so may be reading this from his home on the strip. Nice one Davis!

By five to midnight when Pirates is scheduled to begin, I am cashing in $490 from an original outlay of $500, so three hours entertainment for a mere $10 - cheaper, just - than Mr.Depp. Confidence is restored, and the poker has been particularly good-natured. Davis to my right, from Birmingham - Alabama that is - seems to be impressed with my poker. His brother has also qualified for the WSOP main event.

This writing business is fun, but also very time-consuming, so I have decided to spend some more money. I have just shelled out 666.20 pounds (no pound sign on my American keyboard - anyone know how I can sort this on a Mac?). I have paid for a friend - he is an excellent writer - to join me here in the MGM. As you might imagine the numbers turned me on: 666 is the daddy of powerful numbers. The Christians realised this, but typically only pedal the bad news - don't get me started. Interestingly if you add all the numbers on a roulette wheel up, you get 666. So 666 is not just the number of the devil, or rather the beast. It is the symbol of "The Great Work'. My friend likes to be known simply as Mr. Bull - more on him later. Is he the beast? - some might say so, but I couldn't possibly comment. And besides if the beast lives anywhere, surely Las Vegas is quite a likely location. Who said the devil was bad anyway? Those Christians again - stop or you'll have me talking about Mr. Bush next - the best thing that ever happened to America. Only through his presidency could the American people have woken up to the degree that they are doing in order to galvanise themselves and their governors to take the action that is necessary to bring about the changes that have to occur, if we are going to slow down the juggernaut of Western consumerist democracy. OK, I'll stop - just as well Mr. Bull is going to take over. He arrives Friday lunchtime, in time for the Big One. I am off now to the Rio to sort out his press credentials and also find out how our friend Keir finished up last night.

I have five days left 'til I attempt to realise the dream. Thanks for your comments.